Saturday, September 2, 2017

A sense of melancholy

September has come; fogs are rising from the lakes. Copious amounts of rain yesterday, but the nights are not as cold as a week ago. Birch trees are slowly turning yellow and the birdcherry has started shedding its leaves. The swallows are gone, the loons disappeared last week and the group of 4 buzzards, circling the skies a few days ago have not been heard or seen since.
Farmers are taking in their grains, the fields shaven, straw left behind in neat rows, waiting to be gathered and bound into large round bales. It seems that there are more bales with netting than with that awful plastic wrap in white... or blue or pink. Tractor eggs we call them.
yes, summer's definitely at an end. Kids are of to school again, wife's working, the monotony of everyday life is settling in again, too.
It has been a weird summer. A tough, but a good one too. We had quite a few guests and I am convinced that their coming has helped me battle this depression that I have been going through since last winter. I feel that I am slowly beating that hideous foe, that sneaks up on you, stabs you in the back and slowly tries to drag you under the surface. Soundless, suffocating, draining..... And after our guests had all left for home, there was this emptiness.... Until the bushcraft festival came and I once again could be amongst others. Others like me. And once again I felt my soul being fed, my inner energy rise, despite being tired due to lack of sleep or being exposed to constant human presence. My soul feeds on meaningful human interaction. I believe that it is inherent to my, to our wellbeing. It is that social instinct that has kept us alive and kicking for eons, but that is being smothered in modern loneliness.
That exact loneliness has made us here at home struggle with other issues too; do we stay or do we move away from here? It was a constant tugging between rational thought, emotions and daily facts. Here, in our hearts, is home. But here, the girls and I also feel very alone and isolated. In moving what would we lose, what might we gain? But in the end practical facts, like banks, meant that we really have no options. We will stay. But that does mean we have to find other solutions!! Unless we face being crushed by solitude again.
And as we made that decision something happened. Someone was actually offering me a job! We arranged a meet and I had real high hopes. It would be a job in the forest, so that sounded good already. But the deception struck hard. I just could not agree to the terms made. It would even increase my isolation, sending me far away from home and the pay.... well.... We talked it over and the conditions just were not acceptable for us as a whole either.
But turning back toward the festival, it sparked something in me. A desire and a will to become active in that scene once again. Due to some ideas being uttered in a chat I stepped forward and suggested a trip. A trip to northern Sweden, just for a bunch of local bushcrafters. A trip in the middle of winter. A rented van, an army tent, winter bushcraft.. and!!...... the winter market of Jokkmokk!!
I really do hope I can pull this one off!!
As for being active.... I will be packing again next week. I am going to see my friend Odd again next weekend. Back to the Norwegian highlands for a weekend.... Can hardly wait.............

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