Today I went back to the unemployment agency. Made an appointment there a while ago, just to see if they could help me out in any way. Maybe some tips or suggestions. Given my previous experiences with similar institutions, I did not have high hopes.
The guy helping me made a very rushed impression. As if he wanted to get it over and done with. He looked at my cv, coughed up a handful of jobs from their database (which I myself could've done too... at home!!) which might be interesting for me and handed them over. One of them has a 4 hour round trip commute time. Really?? 2 hours in the car driving there and then 2 hours back? Well, I could always stay over for a week or just move all together.... Move?? We moved to another country less then 4 years ago. We moved into our current home less than 2,5 years ago. I have a family which has just settled in... Move??? Just like that? How the hell do folks like him think?? Do they actually think?? Or is he just an example of how conditioned people like him have become? How programmed and fixed on paid jobs they are, that getting one, any one, at all costs must be the goal?
He treated me like any other unemployed person, coming for benefits; if you want money, do as you're told, apply for any job, no matter how useless it is, make sure you send in your reports on time every 2 weeks and get out..... Only I did not come for a handout or benefits.... And I really hate to be treated this way.
We saw another ad. this week asking for a singing waitress in possession of a car, who would be willing to work for sek100 per hour for 2 months during the summer season.... What?? That sounds like exploitation to me!
Or another one asking for people to work on a substitute basis. They had to have at least one other job for 50%, but had to be available on very short notice for an average of 3 days a week. A 50% job means 20 hours a week. 3 working days means 24 hours. That would add up to more than 100%... And do they expect you to drop whatever you are working on, the moment they call you? Excuse me?How do you do that? What employer would accept that?
I guess people these days are wayyyyy to dependent on jobs and they will do anything to take anything. And employers are taking advantage of that in the most insolent way. That too is freakin' me out and really pissing me off.
No, we need to give people more independence and reinstall a sense of dignity. We need the to stop behaving like freakin' drug addicts, running from fix to fix... at all costs.
When I got home, I talked to my wife about it. The way I saw it I, or we, had 2 options; 1 go for a job, any job, grow a little food at home and stay with the programme or.... Give them all the middle finger, take a (medium huge) chance and try to get the homegrowing- and vegetableselling plans of the ground.... The latter would mean we'd be dependent on her getting a ((better) paid) job for the time being... whilst I toil away with the odd job, with planning, and hopefully preparing the area for next year. We agreed on the latter option. I also asked the kids what they wanted and they all agreed as well. Besides moving was absolutely no option... to none of us.
Luckily there is a whole lot of other things going on too.
Today wasn't the first time I drove out there. Did that too yesterday, only to find out I was a day early upon arrival. But lo and behold.... I didn't get pissed.... I called my wife and we even laughed about it! An 80km round trip.... for nothing... and we laughed.
So I got back into the car and took the scenic route home. It was nice and "warm" 8C, the backroads were empty and I enjoyed the drive home. I am usually not a big fan of driving... And on my way home I saw the first northern lapwing of this season, saw a squirrel with bright red paws, head and tail, but a dull grey body and came across the season's first buzzard... It sat on a powerline, looking roughed up and tired. Guess he had a long trip behind him. I stopped the car, got out and approached him. I could get close to about 25 meters and then he looked at me and lifted off. I could have sworn he heaved a tired sigh before doing so!!!
But that's not all. I don't know if spring is messing with me, but there is an overall feeling of positiveness over me. I meet the nicest people and all of a sudden my mum has come back into my life... Or it might be, because I spend at least an hour in the woods everyday with Rex... A general feeling that life is good, that things are alright or will be, that the ideas we have now are accomplishable and not mere vague hopes or dreams.
A major shift in the setting of the mind...
I even totally lost any interest in my previous military related hobbies; the books, biographies, battle accounts, hardware, modelling.... All of it. This stuff will be out on sales sites very soon...
When building models I used to be able to form a mindpicture of the soldiers fighting, clinging onto their weapons, hanging into the butt of a machinegun, shaking as their fired it, yelling, screaming, dying...... No more.. It is gone... When visiting a museum I could see the material on exhibit being used.... Now I could care less about a museum.
The interest has waned and wavered for quite a while now, but now it really is gone... and I have come to accept that.
This too feels like a fundamental shift in mindset.
And that too is freakin' me out!
Since I have very little experience with that.
And while on the subject...
I always loved the military life, which incidentally has quite a few things in common with the outdoor way of life, I idolised those wearing a uniform a little.... Maybe not idolising, but holding in high regard. Knowing very well that war is an exceedingly nasty business. Maybe my views were hopelessly old fashioned and romantic.
These days I have come to see soldiers more in the light of being willless minions, often forced to do their political master's bidding. What I see in footage no more has honour and dignity. They get used and thrown away like dirty rags. Misguided, abused, lied to... They get conditioned (or maybe selected?) to commit atrocities and misconduct seems to be stimulated instead of being seriously discouraged.
Yet still.... when I see how veterans are treated, my own brother is one, I wonder..... Why? Why did they make these choices? Why did they do the things they did?
I got out before sustaining or causing injury or suffering, because I didn't like the job or prospects offered and I am very grateful to this day for making that choice. Despite that I always felt a strong connection. Felt....
btw... the video gives me goosebumps and a lump in my throat and the music is just plain awesome... strong...